Diary 001

MARCH

There is a voice inside telling me to leave
It started as a whisper
Bubbling beneath the surface
Hushed, at first, by the sweet comfort of home, of welcoming faces and the safety of familiarity
But now that voice is screaming
It is fuelled by wanderlust, I admit
This voice is not new
The voice has always been inside
It can be appeased by trips away
But it will always return
Louder and fiercer than ever

I am roaring fields and far away city lights
I am where I come from and where I want to go

The snow came
And, as only it can, brought a purity to the earth
Swaddling everything in a blanket of white
We were forced to be still
To watch it fall and settle gently

There is a certain peace that can only be felt when it snows
The earth seems pure
The world quietens
A cloak of white that covers everything in it's path
Making life feel less muddled, simpler

APRIL 

Writing is how I process 

It's how I sift through the struggles and accomplishments in life 

I throw words on to a page, step back from them, and view everything with a clearer perspective 

The image of earth from a tiny spaceship window - small and simple 

That is what writing does for me 

But lately, life has been spinning on 

Faster and more furiously than it has in a long time 

And I don't have time for the words

Writers block is part of the process 

Or so we're told 

But what about when life muffles creativity? 

When days turn into weeks and months, without a moment to pause

Without a moment to step back and see what's happening 

To give overwhelming feelings of fear, excitement, frustration, and joy their fair dues

Life speeds up and sometimes you will spend so much of your energy trying to catch up with it that creativity is squashed

That's ok

That's exciting 

That's terrifying 

That's life

Life will find a steady pace again 

Or perhaps I will just have to speed up permanently 

Either way, I will find my way back to writing regularly 

But for now

I am taking comfort in small moments 

Sitting on the bus and looking out the window 

Making dinner with friends 

Cradling a cup of tea 

I have spent the last few months stubbornly working towards a goal 

And the realisation of that dream will mean my world flipping upside down 

It's already started and I find myself on the other side of the world 

Surrounded by old and new 

Comfort and unknown 

Love and skepticism 

Fear and elation

But
This is where I am meant to be now

Of that, I am certain